Thank you for agreeing to meet me here at the local diner, friends. It would feel too strange catching up with you all over the phone.
I am not sure where to begin, but I guess I have a lot of things to say.
You might have noticed things have been a little scarce around here.
Truth be told, I haven’t been doing well.
Life has been hard for me.
I’m dealing with emotional and mental issues that are affecting my day to day life. I’m dealing with financial issues that are drastically influencing my mental wellbeing. I’ve even toyed with the idea of seeking governmental assistance or raising money through PayPal or a similar source.
But oh, how my pride kills me to even think those thoughts.
Some days I do not even wish to get out of bed.
Finding the will to keep on struggling is hard, friends. But worry not, I am a fighter.
I am strong.
I will get through this.
I’ve had to make some tough choices lately.
To all my followers who expect me to be all bubbly happy and positive all the time, I am sorry but that girl has long since died. pic.twitter.com/3vURRd1nJY
— Carrie (@rattleddreams) February 21, 2018
I tell you this not to request your sympathy or worse, pity. I tell you this so that you’ll understand where I am coming from.
I am going to be changing the way I “run” my life.
If you have read my above Twitter thread, then you’ll notice that I’ve brought my following list drastically down to the 60s. Does this mean I “hate” those people? Does this mean I no longer wish to be friends with those people? Does this mean I’ll no longer support that author or this artist?
No. It doesn’t.
I made those changes for my mental health concerns. To avoid depressing triggers, I’ve muted key words and phrases. But it was not nearly enough.
The world is not a happy place. There is too much violence and hate. Truth be told, I am not sure a world where humanity exists could ever be a harmonious place.
Working in a call center after eons of jobs in the customer service field was a tremendously bad call.
People have always treated those in customer service poorly, but it was a horrifying experience over the phone. I had to look up some of the words and phrases I was called because they were new to me.
I never knew someone could be that cruel to a happy voice over the phone.
The point is my verbal filter and my ability to cope with negative thoughts and images being directed at me is thinner than the thread on my tires.
I need some time to recover.
My poor Muse has been hiding in video games and dreams for the last few months.
Now that you know the reason for my silence, let me share some happier things with you.
Not all the changes I am making this year are for bad reasons.
Instead of blog posts, this thread is going to contain all my weekly recaps. pic.twitter.com/b89I53LRND
— Carrie (@rattleddreams) January 7, 2018
I’ve decided to share weekly updates of all the things I’ve read, watched, played, or seen each week in a thread on twitter.
It is quicker for me and it will keep the blog from collecting useless clutter that I’ll probably just want to delete at the end of the year.
Plus, I am just having a blast sharing my gaming adventures with you. Perhaps you care, perhaps not. Either way, my Muse is having fun writing snarky comments.
As I lie in bed sick for New Years Eve, I bring you today’s plans. pic.twitter.com/ldJErMC3lF
— Carrie (@rattleddreams) December 31, 2017
I am trying to focus more on happy things, and less on things that hurt.
⚡️ “Highlights of 2018”https://t.co/FSB67N4YNL
— Carrie (@rattleddreams) February 15, 2018
I am not good at remembering to fill out gratitude logs in my journal. And keeping a journal solely to memories and gratitude is just one journal too many for me.
So, I made a Twitter Moment.
This is both new and exciting to me. I can share some of my favorite tweets as well as those retweets that made me laugh or smile.
My hope is not only can I look back on it and recall happy times, but maybe it can help one other person smile.
If there is one life lesson I can share with you, it is this:
Keep fighting. Keep dreaming.
Never give up. Never surrender.
If you can’t fight the battle their way, change the game and fight it yours.
Your moments of weakness might last minutes or even years, but always remember: You are worth it.
So, go out there.
Find your truth. Find your happiness. And keep on living.